A sister's gift

Very shortly after I found out that I was pregnant, my sister asked me if she could create a blog that told the story of this pregnancy in pictures.  I was a little speechless when she asked and a little afraid to say yes.  I don't consider myself photogenic so I avoid being in photos.  I would have to put that aside if I was going to do this.  I decided in the end to do it though.  It has been a little strange asking permission to get certain photos.  The lab tech who drew my blood looked at us like we were crazy when we asked, and I am sure that my fertility doctor was thinking the same thing.  I am hoping that my new OB will be open to Melissa possibly coming in as well.   The new blog is here: http://amoxleybaby.blogspot.com/ .  I will also be putting it as one of the links along the side of my page.  Melissa has added some comments with some photos in case just the picture was confusing.  Make sure you go all the way to the beginning post and follow from there.

Twins

It is twins for us.  Ever since I found out, I have been both less nervous and more nervous.  Less nervous because the risk of carrying twins is far lower than the risk of carrying triplets.  Also, we do not have any babies sharing the same placenta (the twins are fraternal).  More nervous because I don't know what to expect this time.  That may seem funny since I certainly didn't know what to expect with the triplets either, but I really didn't have to.  Last year, I was seen by a doctor every week of my pregnancy from 7 weeks on.  Not only was I seen, but I had an ultrasound as well.  This time that is not going to happen.  I have an appointment scheduled with a new doctor, but it is not for another 3 weeks.  I have found out that it is going to be with the nurse practitioner instead of the doctor.  I am really interested to see what I am going to find out at this appointment.  How often are they going to see me?  Will I have more ultrasounds that a singleton pregnancy?  Are they going to try to use Doppler to find both babies' heartbeats at each appointment?  Will they do an ultrasound each time if they cannot find one of the heartbeats on Doppler?  Will they keep a closer eye on my cervix length this time since I know have a history of premature labor and birth?  I will have to wait for these answers.   

Crocidiles, Tigers, and Blessings

The problem with ignoring your blog for so long is that you don't know where to start when you come back.  I have written many post in my head over these last few weeks.  They were witty, topical, and sometimes even moving.  I am sure this post will be none of those.  My thoughts on my anniversary and Halloween will have to wait for next year as neither seem appropriate three weeks later.  I do have a few other odds and ends to share.

Although this is late as well, I thought you would enjoy another chance to laugh at my crafting skills.  Gabriel's school has the students make and wear hats to represent a vocabulary word for their fall parties.  Gabriel chose his word from a list, and I set about trying to bring it to life.  I will leave it to you to guess at the word...when you are finished laughing at it of course.

When Gabriel was young, we went to the zoo as a family.  My parents bought him and my niece a stuffed tiger at the gift store.  Recently, I have been finding the tiger (who is of course named Tiger) in the closet in Gabriel's room.  I asked Gabriel why I kept finding him in there instead of in his stuffed animal bin.  He said that the tiger was coming to life and saying mean things to him in the night.  This is not the first time that Tiger has stirred up trouble.  Shortly after we first got him, we would put Gabriel to bed with Tiger to sleep with.  All would be quiet until Gabriel would open his door sometime later, throw Tiger into the hall, and close the door to go back to bed.  In the last week, I have been finding Dolphin in the closet too.  I wonder what he did wrong.

Lastly, I think most of you who look at this blog already know this, but if you don't and you have been waiting patiently in suspense, I am pregnant.  Those words don't really seem like a reality to me right now.  I am trying to wait for my ultrasound, which will be on the 30th, before I really let myself really absorb that.  My levels were high again.  That could mean nothing, or it could mean that I am pregnant with twins or triplets.  I will reserve further comment about  how I feel about that until I know whether I should be using the plural or not.

So Different

This IVF cycle has been so different than last year.  Last year the cycle went without a hitch.  Everything was easy.  This time around things have been so much harder.  It didn't help that I got a cold during my first week of stimulation.  It also didn't help that I had to put my injections at 5 in the morning and at 9:15 at night because this was the latest and the earliest that I was assured to be home every day.  This trend continued with my egg retrieval surgery yesterday.  Last year, I felt fine both going into the surgery and out of it.  This year, it was a horrible day.  From the moment I woke up, I was having symptoms of a stomach bug.  I don't get stomach bugs often, and I was pretty sure that this was all hormonally induced.  That didn't help my pride as I threw up in a garbage can in the parking garage of the hospital.  I also got sick right before surgery and on the way home.  It was also harder emotionally.  The nurse came in to put in IV.  She chose the one spot I didn't want her to choose.  The scar on my hand from where the IV was the day the boys were born.  I am a hard stick so I didn't say anything to her when she choose this spot.  Then the anesthesiologist came in.  He wanted to know if I had ever had this procedure before.  Yes, last year.  He of course assumed that it wasn't successful then so I felt the need to explain to that it was and why we were back.  After we got home, things were not much better.  I spent the rest of the day on the couch between sleep and pain.  Every time I tried to get up, I would feel like I was going to faint.  Today has been much better though.  The transfer will be next Wednesday.

Holding Pattern

Last year, I stimulated too fast during my IVF cycle.  My egg retrieval had to be moved up a day, and I stopped my injections early.  In light of that, my doctor decided to give me much smaller doses of medication this time.  Unfortunately, now I am stimulating too slow.  I was supposed to have surgery on Wednesday, but now it looks like it will be Friday at the earliest.  This will also move back my transfer next week from Monday to Wednesday.  I am trying to see the benefits of this new plan, but I ready for this section to be over.  Simulation days require three injections a day, and I have to travel to across town every other day to be monitored by ultrasound.  Today, the alarm went off at 4:45 so I could do my first injection, get ready, drive to the north side of town, get my blood drawn, check my progress by ultrasound, and drive to the west side of town for work.  I was at work by 7:15.  I go back again on Wednesday.  Hopefully, I will get the green light for surgery.  Then, my stomach may get a break for awhile.  Watch out glutes.  It is your turn next.

Happenings

Yes, I know that it has been weeks since I have updated, but things have been quite busy around here.  Even as I type, I am ignoring the stack of papers that really should get graded today.  It really has seemed never ending these last few weeks.  Until Friday, there was not a single day in the last two weeks that I was able to come home straight after work and stay here all evening. 

Gabriel has spent the last few weeks losing teeth.  He lost his first two last year just before and after he turned five.  Now, he has lost two more, and he has another one loose.  If he can lose it soon, then he will truly be able to sing that all he wants for Christmas is his two front teeth (although maybe he should just be thankful if he has any left by then).

Gabriel and I also spent the afternoon making a leaf animal for a project for school.  Since my husband has already got a laugh out of the result, I thought I would let you have one as well.

On the medical front, a lot has been happening these last few weeks.  I was supposed to go and have another test in September to see if I needed another surgery before we started this next round of IVF.  I was prepared to leave early from work the day of the appointment, but I was called a couple hours before I left.  At the last minute, they decided that I didn't need the test again since I had already had one in June.  This was good news.  It saved us about $800, and it meant that I would not have to have surgery.  We were officially on-track for the next round.  Since then, I have begun to take injections and have gone for my baseline ultrasound (a check to see if you are ready to proceed).  Everything has gone fine with only one small glitch.  My doctor did some routine tests on my blood.  One of them was to check for my immunity to rubella (German measles).  Apparently, I have lost my immunity to it....again.  I was properly vaccinated as a child, and for 95% of the population, this creates a life-time immunity.  After I got pregnant with Gabriel, they could not find my rubella immunity.  I was told to be careful during my pregnancy, and I was re-vaccinated after he was born (only six years ago).  Now, I have lost it again.  There was some debate about whether I needed to abandon this cycle, get re-vaccinated, wait three months, and start over.  In the end, they decided I could proceed if I was willing to take the risk.  I have decided that the risk is very small, and I am going to move forward.   Although, I am trying to decide if I should still work in the children's department at church if this cycle works since many of the children that I work with are either too young to get the MMR or their parents have chosen to delay their vaccination.  German measles is rare, but there can always be another outbreak.  I will start monitoring ultrasounds this Tuesday, and I will go up every other day until my surgery on the 27th.   This is my wedding anniversary.  At first, I thought that it was not a very nice way to spend that day, but I am trying to look at it in a more positive light.  All of the rest of the children that Jason and I are likely to have will be conceived on our anniversary.  Who else can say that?

Six Months

It has been six months since my boys were born.  I miss them terribly.  I have found my emotions harder to control lately.  I can no longer seem to control when I cry, and I don't see this getting any better any time soon since I will be going back on injectable hormones in a couple of weeks.  I really don't like crying in front of other people.  It makes them feel uncomfortable, and it makes them not want to bring up anything having to do with the boys because they are afraid of upsetting me. 

I have started to hate the question "How are you?".  I never know how to answer it these days.  Normally, you will receive an "Okay" after asking it.  Do I tell you that the Lord has giving me enough strength to get through another day?  He has.  Do I tell you that I cried in the car on the way to wherever I am at?  It is often the truth. 

I have really struggled these last few weeks with whether I am being selfish.  I feel like people are tired of me talking about them.  Every time they come up in conversation, I wonder if the other person isn't wishing that they didn't have to talk about this again.  I have really been asking the Lord to help me focus on other people and what they are going through, but I am not sure if I have been succeeding all that well.  Please pray for me that I will be able to look past what is going on with me and be able to see other people's needs.