So Different

This IVF cycle has been so different than last year.  Last year the cycle went without a hitch.  Everything was easy.  This time around things have been so much harder.  It didn't help that I got a cold during my first week of stimulation.  It also didn't help that I had to put my injections at 5 in the morning and at 9:15 at night because this was the latest and the earliest that I was assured to be home every day.  This trend continued with my egg retrieval surgery yesterday.  Last year, I felt fine both going into the surgery and out of it.  This year, it was a horrible day.  From the moment I woke up, I was having symptoms of a stomach bug.  I don't get stomach bugs often, and I was pretty sure that this was all hormonally induced.  That didn't help my pride as I threw up in a garbage can in the parking garage of the hospital.  I also got sick right before surgery and on the way home.  It was also harder emotionally.  The nurse came in to put in IV.  She chose the one spot I didn't want her to choose.  The scar on my hand from where the IV was the day the boys were born.  I am a hard stick so I didn't say anything to her when she choose this spot.  Then the anesthesiologist came in.  He wanted to know if I had ever had this procedure before.  Yes, last year.  He of course assumed that it wasn't successful then so I felt the need to explain to that it was and why we were back.  After we got home, things were not much better.  I spent the rest of the day on the couch between sleep and pain.  Every time I tried to get up, I would feel like I was going to faint.  Today has been much better though.  The transfer will be next Wednesday.

Holding Pattern

Last year, I stimulated too fast during my IVF cycle.  My egg retrieval had to be moved up a day, and I stopped my injections early.  In light of that, my doctor decided to give me much smaller doses of medication this time.  Unfortunately, now I am stimulating too slow.  I was supposed to have surgery on Wednesday, but now it looks like it will be Friday at the earliest.  This will also move back my transfer next week from Monday to Wednesday.  I am trying to see the benefits of this new plan, but I ready for this section to be over.  Simulation days require three injections a day, and I have to travel to across town every other day to be monitored by ultrasound.  Today, the alarm went off at 4:45 so I could do my first injection, get ready, drive to the north side of town, get my blood drawn, check my progress by ultrasound, and drive to the west side of town for work.  I was at work by 7:15.  I go back again on Wednesday.  Hopefully, I will get the green light for surgery.  Then, my stomach may get a break for awhile.  Watch out glutes.  It is your turn next.

Happenings

Yes, I know that it has been weeks since I have updated, but things have been quite busy around here.  Even as I type, I am ignoring the stack of papers that really should get graded today.  It really has seemed never ending these last few weeks.  Until Friday, there was not a single day in the last two weeks that I was able to come home straight after work and stay here all evening. 

Gabriel has spent the last few weeks losing teeth.  He lost his first two last year just before and after he turned five.  Now, he has lost two more, and he has another one loose.  If he can lose it soon, then he will truly be able to sing that all he wants for Christmas is his two front teeth (although maybe he should just be thankful if he has any left by then).

Gabriel and I also spent the afternoon making a leaf animal for a project for school.  Since my husband has already got a laugh out of the result, I thought I would let you have one as well.

On the medical front, a lot has been happening these last few weeks.  I was supposed to go and have another test in September to see if I needed another surgery before we started this next round of IVF.  I was prepared to leave early from work the day of the appointment, but I was called a couple hours before I left.  At the last minute, they decided that I didn't need the test again since I had already had one in June.  This was good news.  It saved us about $800, and it meant that I would not have to have surgery.  We were officially on-track for the next round.  Since then, I have begun to take injections and have gone for my baseline ultrasound (a check to see if you are ready to proceed).  Everything has gone fine with only one small glitch.  My doctor did some routine tests on my blood.  One of them was to check for my immunity to rubella (German measles).  Apparently, I have lost my immunity to it....again.  I was properly vaccinated as a child, and for 95% of the population, this creates a life-time immunity.  After I got pregnant with Gabriel, they could not find my rubella immunity.  I was told to be careful during my pregnancy, and I was re-vaccinated after he was born (only six years ago).  Now, I have lost it again.  There was some debate about whether I needed to abandon this cycle, get re-vaccinated, wait three months, and start over.  In the end, they decided I could proceed if I was willing to take the risk.  I have decided that the risk is very small, and I am going to move forward.   Although, I am trying to decide if I should still work in the children's department at church if this cycle works since many of the children that I work with are either too young to get the MMR or their parents have chosen to delay their vaccination.  German measles is rare, but there can always be another outbreak.  I will start monitoring ultrasounds this Tuesday, and I will go up every other day until my surgery on the 27th.   This is my wedding anniversary.  At first, I thought that it was not a very nice way to spend that day, but I am trying to look at it in a more positive light.  All of the rest of the children that Jason and I are likely to have will be conceived on our anniversary.  Who else can say that?

Six Months

It has been six months since my boys were born.  I miss them terribly.  I have found my emotions harder to control lately.  I can no longer seem to control when I cry, and I don't see this getting any better any time soon since I will be going back on injectable hormones in a couple of weeks.  I really don't like crying in front of other people.  It makes them feel uncomfortable, and it makes them not want to bring up anything having to do with the boys because they are afraid of upsetting me. 

I have started to hate the question "How are you?".  I never know how to answer it these days.  Normally, you will receive an "Okay" after asking it.  Do I tell you that the Lord has giving me enough strength to get through another day?  He has.  Do I tell you that I cried in the car on the way to wherever I am at?  It is often the truth. 

I have really struggled these last few weeks with whether I am being selfish.  I feel like people are tired of me talking about them.  Every time they come up in conversation, I wonder if the other person isn't wishing that they didn't have to talk about this again.  I have really been asking the Lord to help me focus on other people and what they are going through, but I am not sure if I have been succeeding all that well.  Please pray for me that I will be able to look past what is going on with me and be able to see other people's needs.

Where have I been?

Where have I been? The truth falls somewhere between being busy and avoiding posting. The problem with not posting for almost a month is that when you finally do post, you have a lot of things to talk about. So here they are.

Since I last posted, Gabriel had his 6th birthday party (two of them in fact). His Auntie Laura made him a Lego cake (it was huge), and I wrapped his presents to look like Lego's. Gabriel also has started his first day of 1st grade. I have been pretty nervous about this. Gabriel has never been to any kind of all day program. I was especially worried about him having lunch in an uncontrolled environment. With his allergies, I have always been careful about what he eats and where. We have decided to have him take his lunch every day so I can make sure he isn't getting food that he isn't supposed to. He has done well so far this year. We have been excited to see him grow even in these first few weeks. He has done very well on his spelling tests, and he is starting to choose to read on his own.

I have also started back to school. I really can't complain since I had only worked three or four weeks so far this year before I started. My classes are going well, and everyone is getting used to the new schedule.

I have a new niece. Maggie Lu was born this weekend. She was so excited to see her parents that she decided to enter the world before the midwife could even get to their house (and before anyone else could get there either). All are doing well, and I am excited to get to know this new member of our family.

For those who didn't know, we did another cycle in August. I had two embryos put in at the very end of July. When I went to take my test in August, it was negative, but it was a high negative. I had to go back two days later and take another test to make sure that my levels had dropped to a more normal negative. They had so I was ready to go off of the shots. The small spike in levels suggest that at least one of the embryos had implanted for a day or so, but then I had a very early miscarriage. We are supposed to do another cycle in Oct/Nov; although, I was just contacted by the doctor's office to tell me that they wanted me to do another SIS. This would be the forth one I have had. The first two indicated that I needed surgery, and the third we had to pay for since insurance didn't pick it up so I am not thrilled to have to do another one. If that appointment suggests that surgery is needed, I will probably have to have it very quickly to keep the dates of the next cycle the same.

Happy Birthday Gabriel

My beautiful little boy is 6 today. Six years ago, I was sitting in the hospital waiting room waiting to be induced. Since Gabriel had no intention of joining us any other way, we had to drag him out by C-section later that day. He has grown so much in these six years (well not as much as other kids). He has turned into a little boy who makes me smile every day. In fact, I am not sure if Gabriel has ever met someone that he couldn't charm. I am not sure where he gets that from since neither Jason nor I are that way.

I thank God every day for this little tornado that He has blessed me with. I hope Gabriel will continue to want to know more about Him, and that he will seek His ways as he continues to grow.

Due Date

When they put those two embryos in I, being me, already knew what there due date would be..August 3rd, Gabriel's birthday. I could not believe that it was true. It was not planned. Yes, I know your laughing. IVF is about as planned pregnancy as they come. I found out I was pregnant on Thanksgiving (with Gabriel it was the day after Thanksgiving). I already had visions of being very pregnant on his birthday or possibly having a little one to bring to the party. I would then take the next few months off of school spending time with this new little person that was added to the family. That vision changed by quite a bit when we found out that the two had become three. Now I knew that I would have them before Gabriel's birthday. I was just hoping that they would be home by that time.

They were born before Gabriel's birthday, and they have gone home.

Today is a due date with nothing due.