I don't have any picture to post of the holidays. I manged not to pick up a camera at anytime during my break, and my husband who works at a camera store surprisingly takes few pictures these days. I spent most of my break trying to enjoy myself and just trying to get through it. I really wasn't sure how I would handle the holidays this year. Christmas overall was easier than I thought it was going to be. There were some hard moments as I watched several babies experience their first Christmas. It was also difficult that no one mentioned or referred to the boys all day, not even some family members that I have not seen since or talked to since last Christmas. I was actually more worried about how New Year's Eve would go. Gabriel was born in 2004, and by 2005, we were trying for a second child. That New Year's Eve as the ball dropped, I told myself that I would surely get pregnant in the new year. I said it again at the end of 2006, 2007, and 2008. I finally did get pregnant in 2009, and last year with the triplets I was finally able to say that I would have children in the coming year. This year, I didn't say anything to myself. I don't know if I am just too scared to say it, or if I have finally accepted that they are only here on loan and it is not my decision as to how long.
I have been struggling to talk about them being here next summer. It feels weird to me sometimes when people talk about them as a done deal while I am just waiting for the first problem to show up. Apparently, I am not alone in this. A couple of weeks ago as Gabriel and I left church, a baby was crying, and Gabriel told me that the baby should stop because it was being loud. I told Gabriel that he needed to get used to the noise because we would have two babies in the house this summer. He just shrugged his shoulders and said, "If they are alive." He wasn't trying to be mean. This is just his reality. I did finally buy car seats for the twins. I heard of another couple with twins selling theirs, and I couldn't pass up the price. We are also going to be buying one of the cribs soon because we have a good coupon on furniture.
I have had a couple of appointments since my last post. I finally got to meet my doctor. She did not seem as concerned about pre-term labor as the nurse practitioner did so I don't have to do a cerclage. She was worried about whether the twins were on two separate placentas on not. I thought that had been well established by my fertility doctor, but the report he sent her just said separate sacs, and she did not have copies of the earlier ultrasounds. She decided to send me to a high-risk doctor for a more in-depth ultrasound. The new ultrasound showed what looked to be one placenta on the back, but there were other signs the the twins were actually on two different ones. They believe now that the two have just fused together. I go back for my anatomy ultrasound on the 21st of February. Hopefully, we will definitely be able to find out the genders by then. The technician believes that they might possibly be two girls, but it was early so we will see.
Please, pray for my friend April. She lost her baby this week after many weeks of bed rest. I know the pain that she is going through right now. Pray that she will be able to find peace with God's plan for her life. I hope that Gad has more children planned for them because she is and will be a wonderful mother.
