NICU

The girls were both taken to the NICU for breathing difficulties after they were evaluated in the OR.  Although I knew this was very likely to happen given their prematurity, it was still hard to see them go.   Later on, I was able to witness a new baby coming into the NICU so I know what this time was like for them.  They were surrounded by a team of nurses who evaluated their condition.  Their IV's were started, and they were hooked up to monitors and the CPAP machine. 

In the meantime, I was in the recovery room unsure of when I would get to see or hold them.  After awhile, I was told by the nurse that we could stop by the NICU as my bed was wheeled upstairs to the post-partem rooms.  It would be up to the nurses upstairs when I would be able to see them again after that.  As we made our way to the NICU for the first time, I was excited to see the girls again, but I was also nervous about what I would find since I had not heard any update on their condition yet.  The girls were in the first two slots, and my bed was wheeled between them.  I received my first reports from the nurses responsible for them.  Baby A (Eowyn, but we had not named them yet) was on CPAP, but she was not receiving any extra oxygen.  Baby B was also on CPAP, but she was requiring a little bit of extra oxygen to keep her oxygen saturation high enough.  I was told that I could touch them at this time (both Jason and I were allowed but no one else).  It was a little hard to see them.  There was little I could see of their faces behind the CPAP equipment.  I had just given birth, but instead of holding and nursing my newborns, I could only reach over and touch them.  I knew that the L&D nurse needed to get me upstairs so I tried not to stay to long, but it was so hard to leave not knowing when I would be back.

First view of girls in NICU

Tessa

Me and Tessa

When I got up to my room, I met my new nurse.  I immediately asked her when I could return to the NICU.  She told me that I could go back whenever I could get up out of bed.  If I could get up, I could go back later that evening.  If not, I could go in the morning.  I was determined to go back as soon as I was able.  A few hours after I was taken upstairs I was ready to try.  The nurse brought in a wheelchair.  After collecting my catheter bag and my IV pole, I was ready to go.  We went back down.  Jason and I decided to name them while we were there.  Although we had determined their names while I was pregnant, we were waiting to see them to decide which baby would get each name.  It was still hard to see their faces, but I was a little tired of referring to them as Baby A and Baby B.  Both Jason and I were in agreement that Baby A would be Eowyn and Baby B would be Tessa.  I could have stayed there forever, but I knew that I needed to return.  I decided to stay in my room the rest of the night so I could concentrate on getting some rest and pumping.

We returned the next morning to find Eowyn off of the CPAP.  She now was only receiving air through a nasal cannula.  Tessa was still on the CPAP, but she had been weaned off the extra oxygen already.  I was able to hold Eowyn for the first time that day.  This was also the day that most of the family got to meet the girls, including Gabriel.

Gabriel seeing Eowyn for the first time

Gabriel seeing Tessa for the first time

Gabriel back to see the girls again later in the day

Holding Eowyn (1 day old) for the first time

Tube Feeding for Eowyn

Over the next few days, Eowyn was taken off of everything but the monitors, and she was moved from the warmer to a crib.  Tessa finally made her way down to a nasal cannula, and then eventually came off of it as well.  Tessa was having some issues with jaundice though so she was put on a bilirubin light and a bilirubin blanket.  I was glad when all of that was done, and the patches could be removed from her face.  She kept pulling at them and ripping them off.  Tessa finally got her own crib as well.

Eowyn being fed with bottle

Tessa with nasal cannula (notice her hand by the tubing)

Holding Tessa for the first time..Jason is holding Eowyn for the first time

Eowyn free of all but monitors

Tessa free of all but monitors

Tessa in an open crib

Now all that was needed to come home was 5 days without alarm, a steady show of growth, and passing their car seat test.  Eowyn did this fairly quickly and was ready to come when she was 8 days old.  It was so hard to bring her home without Tessa.  I knew from then on that I would be torn between being home with Eowyn or at the hospital with Tessa.  We were hoping that Tessa would come within a few days, but she continued to have bradycardia alarms.  Most of them occurred when she would eat.  The hardest one for me came the day after Eowyn came home.  Tessa was at almost three days without alarm so we were hoping to bring her home in a couple of days.  The NICU called me at home to let me know that she had just had another quick one.  We would have to wait at least another 5 days to bring her home, and we couldn't even be sure that it was the last one.  I was so upset.  I was tired of it all.  I wanted them both at home.  I wanted them both healthy, and I was tired of waiting.  I calmed down though, and Tessa had her last brady the next day.  She finally came home at 15 days old.