One Month..or -5 Days

My girls were one month old on Saturday.  I can hardly believe it.  I think it seems even shorter because it took two weeks to get everyone home and settled.  It also seems odd that they are a month old when they were not due until this coming Friday (hence the -5 days for their adjusted age). 

Eowyn is the quieter of the two, but she is also more particular.  Although she can cry when she wants to, she often will let me know she is ready to eat by grunting instead.  She is a messy eater.  She will let her formula dribble out the sides of her mouth as she eats.  She can take forever to burp.  Eowyn sleeps best swaddled.  If you try to put her down without it, she will wake herself up by jerking her arms around.  She does well with tummy time though.  She can get her head up well.  She has even rolled over once.  It was completely by accident.  Her big head listed to the side and over she went.  At first, Eowyn will hardly ever open her eyes, but she has started to look around more in the last week.

Tessa is a girl who knows what she wants.  When she is hungry, she lets you know...loudly.  When she is tired, she sleeps really soundly.  She is our champion burper and squeaker.  She does not do as at tummy time.  She can lift her head enough to turn it from one side to the other, but that is about all.  When Tessa's awake, she looks around at everything with the widest eyes.

Both girls are growing.  Their one month appointment isn't for another week so I don't have official stats, but both have gained around 2 lbs since birth.  I can hardly believe how heavy they are getting; although, that is relative since they are about the size of Gabriel at birth.

I took pictures of the girls today.  They are not on par with the professional pictures my sister took a week ago.  If you haven't seen those, check them out here http://photos.willowgrovephotography.com/p237457698 .  I think they are funny because Eowyn looks the same in all of them, but Tessa's face is so expressive.  Here is what I imagine her saying.

Hi Mommy!

Do you taste good?

What is that!

I don't know about this.

What is that?

I'm happy.

I'm sleepy.

June 16th

I had a plan that Thursday morning (I know..shocking).  Jason was off that day.  Both he and Gabriel were going to my appointment with me to meet my doctor.  I was then going to come home and write a blog post to update everyone about my pregnancy.  Things did not go as planned.

The first part of my appointment was fairly routine.  I had my abdominal and vaginal ultrasounds to check on the babies and to check the length of my cervix.  My cervix had shortened some again, but overall, I was okay with the number.  At the very end of the ultrasound, I asked if Baby A was in a frank breech position.  For those who don't know, there are several different types of breech positions.  I was concerned that if she was in a frank position (baby is kind of folded in half with legs up by face) for too long that she might have hip problems after birth.  I was relieved when she said no.  Then she looked at the picture again and told me that she saw a foot down by my cervix.  I thought nothing of it as she took a picture and labeled the foot on the screen.  Little did I know that this was the beginning of the end of my pregnancy. 

We had about a half hour wait before my appointment with the doctor.  When it was time, my OB walked in, met Jason and Gabriel, and immediately told me I was going straight to the hospital after she was finished with me.  She wanted me on bed rest at the hospital for the remainder of my pregnancy.  I was a little shocked at this news.  She explained that she was doing this because Baby A was footling breech (one or both of baby's feet are below the baby and near the cervix) and the risk of cord prolapse was very high (cord comes out of the cervix first and oxygen is cut off when the baby puts pressure on it).  She decided to go ahead and do a manual check on me while I was there.  I was really excited when I heard this.  For so long, we had been getting weekly updates on the length of my cervix, but I had no idea how dilated I was.  I really had started to think that I was going to make it to 37 weeks or beyond, but I knew I might have to rethink that if I showed a decent amount of progression.  As she proceeded with the check, I waited patiently to hear how many centimeters.  Instead, I heard my doctor tell me that she was delivering these babies today.  Why?  She could feel Baby A's foot during the check.  Her concern for my water breaking and a possible cord prolapse was too high.  I did ask my OB before we left how dilated I was.  I was 1 cm.

I was shocked to say the least.  Five minuted before, this had been a normal appointment, but now I would be delivering the babies immediately.  To be honest, I wasn't sure how I felt about this.  You see, a cord prolapse had been on my radar.  Although I had not talked with anyone about it, I knew that Baby A's breech position put me at a higher risk for it.  I had thought about what I would need to do if my water broke at home to check for this.  This being said, I had not looked up anything on footling breech positions.  Was the risk so much higher that it warranted taking the girls?  I knew that they were likely to need NICU time at 34 weeks 6 days.  Should I sacrifice this time for lung and brain development to prevent the possibility of a prolapse?  I struggled with these questions all that afternoon as things were prepared for my C-section.  I still somewhat struggle with them now.  I have looked up information on it though.  Cord prolapses can happen as much as 25% of the time with footling breech presentations.  Knowing that, I have come to terms with the decision to take them.

I was quiet as they prepared me for my C-section for another reason as well.  I was remembering the last time I gave birth.  I knew that was a far different situation this time, but there was a part of me that still felt that much could go wrong.  I felt so close to having the girls there, but I was still afraid to really believe in it.

My C-section was relatively uneventful.  I was a little worried that they would have to put me under general anesthesia after they missed when trying to put in my spinal the first time, but he was able to get it the second time.  Baby A, Eowyn, was born, and Baby B, Tessa, followed two minutes later.  Eowyn cried right away.  Tessa made some noises right away, but she didn't start crying well until she was stimulated some.  It was a welcome sound after the silence of my last delivery.  I had some hope when I heard them that their lungs might be well enough developed to avoid the NICU, but it was not to be.  After assessing them for a few minutes, they were brought to me for a quick peek before they were taken away to the NICU.  I was eventually wheeled to the recovery room.  I was so happy that they were here, but I had no idea when I would see them again.  I didn't know when I would hold them for the first time.  I felt a little empty and alone.

Eowyn Grace

Tessa Alexandra

Meeting Eowyn before she was off to the NICU

Meeting Tessa

Fifteen Years Ago

Fifteen years ago today, Jason and I went on our first date.  He was 21 and I was 16 (but only for two more days).  My parents knew where I was that day, but I was not entirely honest about who I was with. 

Jason and I met at Kroger.  My mom wanted me to get a job during my junior year of high school, and Kroger seemed the perfect place since she already worked there.  I don't even remember the first time I met Jason, but we got to know each other throughout that spring of '96.  At first, I didn't pay him much attention.  He was 4 years older than me, and to be honest, we didn't have that much in common.  Another coworker and I even tried to set him up with another cashier.  I didn't realize he was interested in me then.  I didn't even realize it when he transferred to third-shift but continued to come into work early to go through my line and buy a drink.  I am not sure when we decided to go on a date, but I do know that we asked for my parent's permission.  My dad heard his age and said no, so I went out with him anyway (I know..not my finest moment).

When I woke up this morning and looked around, I wondered what Jason would have done then if he had gotten a glimpse of our life today.  My guess is that he would have ran.