A sister's gift

Very shortly after I found out that I was pregnant, my sister asked me if she could create a blog that told the story of this pregnancy in pictures.  I was a little speechless when she asked and a little afraid to say yes.  I don't consider myself photogenic so I avoid being in photos.  I would have to put that aside if I was going to do this.  I decided in the end to do it though.  It has been a little strange asking permission to get certain photos.  The lab tech who drew my blood looked at us like we were crazy when we asked, and I am sure that my fertility doctor was thinking the same thing.  I am hoping that my new OB will be open to Melissa possibly coming in as well.   The new blog is here: http://amoxleybaby.blogspot.com/ .  I will also be putting it as one of the links along the side of my page.  Melissa has added some comments with some photos in case just the picture was confusing.  Make sure you go all the way to the beginning post and follow from there.

Twins

It is twins for us.  Ever since I found out, I have been both less nervous and more nervous.  Less nervous because the risk of carrying twins is far lower than the risk of carrying triplets.  Also, we do not have any babies sharing the same placenta (the twins are fraternal).  More nervous because I don't know what to expect this time.  That may seem funny since I certainly didn't know what to expect with the triplets either, but I really didn't have to.  Last year, I was seen by a doctor every week of my pregnancy from 7 weeks on.  Not only was I seen, but I had an ultrasound as well.  This time that is not going to happen.  I have an appointment scheduled with a new doctor, but it is not for another 3 weeks.  I have found out that it is going to be with the nurse practitioner instead of the doctor.  I am really interested to see what I am going to find out at this appointment.  How often are they going to see me?  Will I have more ultrasounds that a singleton pregnancy?  Are they going to try to use Doppler to find both babies' heartbeats at each appointment?  Will they do an ultrasound each time if they cannot find one of the heartbeats on Doppler?  Will they keep a closer eye on my cervix length this time since I know have a history of premature labor and birth?  I will have to wait for these answers.   

Crocidiles, Tigers, and Blessings

The problem with ignoring your blog for so long is that you don't know where to start when you come back.  I have written many post in my head over these last few weeks.  They were witty, topical, and sometimes even moving.  I am sure this post will be none of those.  My thoughts on my anniversary and Halloween will have to wait for next year as neither seem appropriate three weeks later.  I do have a few other odds and ends to share.

Although this is late as well, I thought you would enjoy another chance to laugh at my crafting skills.  Gabriel's school has the students make and wear hats to represent a vocabulary word for their fall parties.  Gabriel chose his word from a list, and I set about trying to bring it to life.  I will leave it to you to guess at the word...when you are finished laughing at it of course.

When Gabriel was young, we went to the zoo as a family.  My parents bought him and my niece a stuffed tiger at the gift store.  Recently, I have been finding the tiger (who is of course named Tiger) in the closet in Gabriel's room.  I asked Gabriel why I kept finding him in there instead of in his stuffed animal bin.  He said that the tiger was coming to life and saying mean things to him in the night.  This is not the first time that Tiger has stirred up trouble.  Shortly after we first got him, we would put Gabriel to bed with Tiger to sleep with.  All would be quiet until Gabriel would open his door sometime later, throw Tiger into the hall, and close the door to go back to bed.  In the last week, I have been finding Dolphin in the closet too.  I wonder what he did wrong.

Lastly, I think most of you who look at this blog already know this, but if you don't and you have been waiting patiently in suspense, I am pregnant.  Those words don't really seem like a reality to me right now.  I am trying to wait for my ultrasound, which will be on the 30th, before I really let myself really absorb that.  My levels were high again.  That could mean nothing, or it could mean that I am pregnant with twins or triplets.  I will reserve further comment about  how I feel about that until I know whether I should be using the plural or not.

So Different

This IVF cycle has been so different than last year.  Last year the cycle went without a hitch.  Everything was easy.  This time around things have been so much harder.  It didn't help that I got a cold during my first week of stimulation.  It also didn't help that I had to put my injections at 5 in the morning and at 9:15 at night because this was the latest and the earliest that I was assured to be home every day.  This trend continued with my egg retrieval surgery yesterday.  Last year, I felt fine both going into the surgery and out of it.  This year, it was a horrible day.  From the moment I woke up, I was having symptoms of a stomach bug.  I don't get stomach bugs often, and I was pretty sure that this was all hormonally induced.  That didn't help my pride as I threw up in a garbage can in the parking garage of the hospital.  I also got sick right before surgery and on the way home.  It was also harder emotionally.  The nurse came in to put in IV.  She chose the one spot I didn't want her to choose.  The scar on my hand from where the IV was the day the boys were born.  I am a hard stick so I didn't say anything to her when she choose this spot.  Then the anesthesiologist came in.  He wanted to know if I had ever had this procedure before.  Yes, last year.  He of course assumed that it wasn't successful then so I felt the need to explain to that it was and why we were back.  After we got home, things were not much better.  I spent the rest of the day on the couch between sleep and pain.  Every time I tried to get up, I would feel like I was going to faint.  Today has been much better though.  The transfer will be next Wednesday.

Holding Pattern

Last year, I stimulated too fast during my IVF cycle.  My egg retrieval had to be moved up a day, and I stopped my injections early.  In light of that, my doctor decided to give me much smaller doses of medication this time.  Unfortunately, now I am stimulating too slow.  I was supposed to have surgery on Wednesday, but now it looks like it will be Friday at the earliest.  This will also move back my transfer next week from Monday to Wednesday.  I am trying to see the benefits of this new plan, but I ready for this section to be over.  Simulation days require three injections a day, and I have to travel to across town every other day to be monitored by ultrasound.  Today, the alarm went off at 4:45 so I could do my first injection, get ready, drive to the north side of town, get my blood drawn, check my progress by ultrasound, and drive to the west side of town for work.  I was at work by 7:15.  I go back again on Wednesday.  Hopefully, I will get the green light for surgery.  Then, my stomach may get a break for awhile.  Watch out glutes.  It is your turn next.

Happenings

Yes, I know that it has been weeks since I have updated, but things have been quite busy around here.  Even as I type, I am ignoring the stack of papers that really should get graded today.  It really has seemed never ending these last few weeks.  Until Friday, there was not a single day in the last two weeks that I was able to come home straight after work and stay here all evening. 

Gabriel has spent the last few weeks losing teeth.  He lost his first two last year just before and after he turned five.  Now, he has lost two more, and he has another one loose.  If he can lose it soon, then he will truly be able to sing that all he wants for Christmas is his two front teeth (although maybe he should just be thankful if he has any left by then).

Gabriel and I also spent the afternoon making a leaf animal for a project for school.  Since my husband has already got a laugh out of the result, I thought I would let you have one as well.

On the medical front, a lot has been happening these last few weeks.  I was supposed to go and have another test in September to see if I needed another surgery before we started this next round of IVF.  I was prepared to leave early from work the day of the appointment, but I was called a couple hours before I left.  At the last minute, they decided that I didn't need the test again since I had already had one in June.  This was good news.  It saved us about $800, and it meant that I would not have to have surgery.  We were officially on-track for the next round.  Since then, I have begun to take injections and have gone for my baseline ultrasound (a check to see if you are ready to proceed).  Everything has gone fine with only one small glitch.  My doctor did some routine tests on my blood.  One of them was to check for my immunity to rubella (German measles).  Apparently, I have lost my immunity to it....again.  I was properly vaccinated as a child, and for 95% of the population, this creates a life-time immunity.  After I got pregnant with Gabriel, they could not find my rubella immunity.  I was told to be careful during my pregnancy, and I was re-vaccinated after he was born (only six years ago).  Now, I have lost it again.  There was some debate about whether I needed to abandon this cycle, get re-vaccinated, wait three months, and start over.  In the end, they decided I could proceed if I was willing to take the risk.  I have decided that the risk is very small, and I am going to move forward.   Although, I am trying to decide if I should still work in the children's department at church if this cycle works since many of the children that I work with are either too young to get the MMR or their parents have chosen to delay their vaccination.  German measles is rare, but there can always be another outbreak.  I will start monitoring ultrasounds this Tuesday, and I will go up every other day until my surgery on the 27th.   This is my wedding anniversary.  At first, I thought that it was not a very nice way to spend that day, but I am trying to look at it in a more positive light.  All of the rest of the children that Jason and I are likely to have will be conceived on our anniversary.  Who else can say that?

Six Months

It has been six months since my boys were born.  I miss them terribly.  I have found my emotions harder to control lately.  I can no longer seem to control when I cry, and I don't see this getting any better any time soon since I will be going back on injectable hormones in a couple of weeks.  I really don't like crying in front of other people.  It makes them feel uncomfortable, and it makes them not want to bring up anything having to do with the boys because they are afraid of upsetting me. 

I have started to hate the question "How are you?".  I never know how to answer it these days.  Normally, you will receive an "Okay" after asking it.  Do I tell you that the Lord has giving me enough strength to get through another day?  He has.  Do I tell you that I cried in the car on the way to wherever I am at?  It is often the truth. 

I have really struggled these last few weeks with whether I am being selfish.  I feel like people are tired of me talking about them.  Every time they come up in conversation, I wonder if the other person isn't wishing that they didn't have to talk about this again.  I have really been asking the Lord to help me focus on other people and what they are going through, but I am not sure if I have been succeeding all that well.  Please pray for me that I will be able to look past what is going on with me and be able to see other people's needs.

Where have I been?

Where have I been? The truth falls somewhere between being busy and avoiding posting. The problem with not posting for almost a month is that when you finally do post, you have a lot of things to talk about. So here they are.

Since I last posted, Gabriel had his 6th birthday party (two of them in fact). His Auntie Laura made him a Lego cake (it was huge), and I wrapped his presents to look like Lego's. Gabriel also has started his first day of 1st grade. I have been pretty nervous about this. Gabriel has never been to any kind of all day program. I was especially worried about him having lunch in an uncontrolled environment. With his allergies, I have always been careful about what he eats and where. We have decided to have him take his lunch every day so I can make sure he isn't getting food that he isn't supposed to. He has done well so far this year. We have been excited to see him grow even in these first few weeks. He has done very well on his spelling tests, and he is starting to choose to read on his own.

I have also started back to school. I really can't complain since I had only worked three or four weeks so far this year before I started. My classes are going well, and everyone is getting used to the new schedule.

I have a new niece. Maggie Lu was born this weekend. She was so excited to see her parents that she decided to enter the world before the midwife could even get to their house (and before anyone else could get there either). All are doing well, and I am excited to get to know this new member of our family.

For those who didn't know, we did another cycle in August. I had two embryos put in at the very end of July. When I went to take my test in August, it was negative, but it was a high negative. I had to go back two days later and take another test to make sure that my levels had dropped to a more normal negative. They had so I was ready to go off of the shots. The small spike in levels suggest that at least one of the embryos had implanted for a day or so, but then I had a very early miscarriage. We are supposed to do another cycle in Oct/Nov; although, I was just contacted by the doctor's office to tell me that they wanted me to do another SIS. This would be the forth one I have had. The first two indicated that I needed surgery, and the third we had to pay for since insurance didn't pick it up so I am not thrilled to have to do another one. If that appointment suggests that surgery is needed, I will probably have to have it very quickly to keep the dates of the next cycle the same.

Happy Birthday Gabriel

My beautiful little boy is 6 today. Six years ago, I was sitting in the hospital waiting room waiting to be induced. Since Gabriel had no intention of joining us any other way, we had to drag him out by C-section later that day. He has grown so much in these six years (well not as much as other kids). He has turned into a little boy who makes me smile every day. In fact, I am not sure if Gabriel has ever met someone that he couldn't charm. I am not sure where he gets that from since neither Jason nor I are that way.

I thank God every day for this little tornado that He has blessed me with. I hope Gabriel will continue to want to know more about Him, and that he will seek His ways as he continues to grow.

Due Date

When they put those two embryos in I, being me, already knew what there due date would be..August 3rd, Gabriel's birthday. I could not believe that it was true. It was not planned. Yes, I know your laughing. IVF is about as planned pregnancy as they come. I found out I was pregnant on Thanksgiving (with Gabriel it was the day after Thanksgiving). I already had visions of being very pregnant on his birthday or possibly having a little one to bring to the party. I would then take the next few months off of school spending time with this new little person that was added to the family. That vision changed by quite a bit when we found out that the two had become three. Now I knew that I would have them before Gabriel's birthday. I was just hoping that they would be home by that time.

They were born before Gabriel's birthday, and they have gone home.

Today is a due date with nothing due.

My Fertility Story: Another New Doctor

Now we were waiting for the new doctor to come. We were told it would be in July, and they would start making appointments in June. I managed to get an appointment on their first day open. Again, I thought that we would proceed straight to IVF, and again I was proven wrong. He wanted me to come in for a procedure to check if everything was healthy before we moved on. A month later, I had the procedure. I showed that I had some scar tissue that would need to be removed by surgery. My surgery was scheduled a few weeks later. It was going to be a long day when I had my pre-op appointment. I had to drive from my house on the south side, to the school on the west side, to the appointment on the north-east side, back to the school on the west side (parent-teacher night), and finally back home to the south side. I was on my way to the appointment when I received a phone call from the doctor's office. They wanted to know if I wanted to proceed with the surgery even though they weren't covered on my insurance yet. What? Not covered on my insurance? You mean, all my appointment so far have not been covered. Yes, was her reply. That was exactly what she was saying. They were working on getting covered (had been since before they opened), and it should happen soon. Did I want to wait a few weeks until it happened? Of course, my answer was yes. As i was talking to her, I got off the next exit that passed, pulled into a random parking lot, and cried. I cried for the delay in our treatment, the bill that was coming in the mail for the appointments that we had already had, and my stupidity in not checking to see if he was covered. The doctor before him was covered, and they had taken my insurance card at the new place with no comment at each appointment. They finally got covered though, and I had my surgery. Now, we were ready to start IVF, and in November they transferred to embryos to me.

My Fertility Story: Fertility Doctor # 2

I made an appointment with a new doctor after I realized that my other doctor was not getting a job in town. I thought that we would proceed start to IVF, but I was wrong. He wanted to do more testing or both Jason and myself. The testing didn't turn out much different than before, and we were told by a second doctor that we probably wouldn't have another child except through IVF. He said that we might have a chance with IUI's. It was a slim chance, but we took it since this procedure was only a couple of hundred dollars instead of over ten thousand. We did the procedure twice. Both times, the nurses told us that they would be surprised if it worked. They were right. Just as I hoped to move to IVF with this new doctor, I received a letter in the mail announcing his retirement. He said in the letter that a new doctor would take over his practice in April. Later, it became that the new doctor wasn't coming until July. We had now been trying for another child for 4 years.

My Fertility Story: A New Hope

Jason and I went together to my first appointment with my new doctor. We answered lots of questions, and I had an ultrasound. The doctor came in at the end of the appointment and told me two things. First, she told me that she was pretty sure that I had polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), but she needed to do blood work to make sure. Secondly, she told me that she was pretty sure that we would have another child. I left her office with new hope, a new lifestyle, and orders for the blood work. My hope sustained me as I went through being stuck 10 times in 24 for blood draws and as I drastically changed my diet to accommodate this new condition that I had. During this time, Jason was also tested for the first time. At our next appointment, I was told that I definitely had PCOS, and we were told that Jason's results were okay (but not great). As the doctor was looking through my chart, she noticed there was a missing test. I had not had a HSG. Normally, she schedules this during the first appointment, but it had been missed during mine. Instead of leaving this appointment with a plan of action, I left with an order for the test when it fit into my next cycle. My HSG finally happened (after waiting in the holding room for several hours in my hospital gown), but the results showed a small problem. I was told that it might be a fibroid, but I would have to have another test to make sure. Since it was almost Christmas by now, I had to wait several weeks for this next test. When it happened, the doctor told me that she found two fibroids. I would need surgery (possibly even two) to remove them. Since she was performing this surgery, she also recommended that I have an ovarian drilling procedure. This is done to reset ovaries that have experienced PCOS. I went into the hospital to have both of these procedures on Valentine's Day. The ovarian drilling went well, but there were no fibroids when she went to remove them. While all this was happening, Jason had been tested several more times, and the results were not good. We were referred to an urologist, but he could find nothing wrong with him that we could treat. By this time, it was May. We met with our doctor again who told us that with our results she felt that IVF would probably be our only chance at having more children. She asked us to think about whether we wanted to do the procedure, and she scheduled an appointment a couple of months later. We came to that appointment to tell her that we were ready, and she came to that appointment to tell us that she was leaving the practice. We were told that she would be going to a new practice downtown that fall. She said that if we would wait she would start up with an IVF cycle as soon as she got started. She directed us to call a certain nurse at the current practice for news of when she would start her new job. I called the nurse several times. Each time, I heard a different story. Finally, I went on-line looking for her. I found that she had accepted a new job in Illinois so I called to schedule an appointment with a new doctor. We had now been trying for 3.5 years.

My Fertility Story: Plan B

Jason and I started to try to have another baby when Gabriel was about 6 months old. It really wasn't the best of times for us to have one as I was in the middle of master classes, and I was about to switch careers. We figured that it would take a little while though, and we would make it through somehow. I didn't really get worried until we hit the one year mark, and I realized that we may have a problem. This was especially apparent as my cycle became more erratic than it ever had before. I decided that I would wait it out until my next doctor's appointment in about 6 months. Of course in my head, I really thought the pattern might repeat itself, and I would be pregnant before I went to this appointment. It didn't. I went to my appointment not sure of how I would be received. I had a 2-year old child at home. Would my doctor look at me like I was crazy when I said we were having problems? He didn't. Although, the fact that we did have Gabriel would slow our treatment down by years. He suggested that I get some blood work and come back in a couple of months. When I came back for the results, nothing was wrong. All of my results were in normal range. He did not really see the need for further tests since I already had a child so I was put on Clomid. Normally, you should only be on Clomid for three months at a time (some doctors say you can do up to six months), and the normal dosages are 50, 100, or 150 mg. Not realizing this at the time, I was put on at least eight cycles by my doctor, and at the end, I was taking 200 mg. It never worked. Each time I turned in my last few failed temperature charts, my doctor said that we would do one more cycle before he referred me to a specialist. Finally, I had enough. I did not turn in my last chart, and I referred myself to one. I made an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist (in other words, a fertility doctor). The appointment was almost exactly a year after my first doctor's appointment. At this time, Gabriel was 3, and we had been trying for 2.5 years.

My Fertility Story: The Beginning

I haven't posted for awhile. I could blame it on being busy because I have been, but that wouldn't really be the whole truth. I have been avoiding posting. I am back now though, and I thought that I would start with my fertility story (this may take awhile).

I thought I would start at the beginning. I have always wanted kids. I wanted a large family, and Jason has known almost since he started dating me that a future with me would at least include 4 of them. I had it all planned (maybe I should have checked with God about that). When we got married, Jason wasn't ready for children yet, so I told him (yes, told him) that I would give him a year until we would start trying to have them. True to my word, we starting trying after a year. I was very optimistic at first even though I had always had issues with my cycle, but my optimism was eroded month after month as I realized that it had not worked. As we were closing in on a year of trying, I realized that we may need some help. I told Jason that I would discuss it with my doctor at my next yearly appointment that was coming up in a few months. We always joke that it was the threat of testing, but we never made it to that appointment. Thirteen months after we started trying, I realized that I was pregnant with Gabriel. This was one of the happiest times of my life. We had proven that we could get pregnant (I was starting to have my doubts), and I carried Gabriel with no complications. Everyone I knew kept telling me that we probably wouldn't have any trouble getting pregnant with our next child. They were wrong.

Emotionally Drained

I haven't posted much lately. Often, I write posts in my head, but they never make it to the blog. I lot has been happinging to me this past week, and it has left me drained.

I went to my doctor's appointment this week. I had an SIS done. Basically, it was a scan to check and see if I had any scar tissue or placental remnants left that could be an issue in future pregnancies. If I did, then it would mean surgery and further delays before we could do a new procedure. I had some justification for thinking that it would lead to surgery. I have had this test twice before, and both times idicated that I needed surgery. Also, things have never gone smoothly with my fertility testing so why start now. I went to my appointment certain that surgery was coming next, and I walked out ordering medication for my next cycle which is starting immediately. My emotions have been all over the place about this. Of course, I am thrilled that we get to try again, but I know that this procedure is less likely to work than the last procedure that we did. This means that in about six weeks I could find myself extremely happy or dealing with yet another blow. I am trying to prepare myself for that.

Last Sunday, I also attended a memorial for another baby who died shortly after birth. Obviously, this has been a big reminder of everything that has happened this year. It has been hard for me these last few weeks because I know the babies would have been born right now and that I would be making NICU trips and waiting for them to come home.

Yesterday was draining as well, but different than I thought it would be. I had though that being with my best friend while she gave birth was going to be hard for me. Although it was hard at times, I spent most of the time focused on Laura and what she needed. The hardest thing that day was calling my son to tell him Emily was born. He got very quiet and asked in a small voice if she was healthy. I was again struck with how sad I am that my son is so aware that bad things can happen. It was also a little hard for me when he held her for the first time today. I had thought that he would soon be holding his own brothers instead. I will post picture of Emily soon, but I forgot my camera in the car today.

Triplets

Click here to view this photo book larger

Organizing Memories

I decided this weekend to get all of Gabriel's keepsakes a little more organized. Up until now, everything we were keeping just went on a shelf in our spare closet. It worked for now, but I was going to regret in a couple of years when I had to go through it and I wouldn't be able to remember which one was from where.

This year for kindergarten, we employed a strategy that my sister uses for his school papers. Everything that he brought home that I thought I might like to keep went into a drawer (some days it was everything if I couldn't throw papers away without him seeing me). At the end of year, I sorted through them and kept my favorites. I also added his report cards and testing scores into the pile.

Now I needed to find somewhere to put them all. I went Saturday with some ideas in mind, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to make any of them happen. I really wasn't finding anything. I decided to go with a file folder box, but I wanted one that I could customize. I decided on this wire mesh one because I knew I could use wire to attach objects to it. I went to Michael's to find some things to go on it. I had originally thought to decorate it more, but I wanted it to be something that he wouldn't outgrow. In the end, I got his initials, painted the red (his favorite color), and attached them.

Now I have a file folder for each grade. I also have a folder for the birthday card letters that I write to him every year. There was even room to put his baby books, the hair from his first hair cut, and his first lost tooth.

Here is the end result.

Swimming at Grandma's

It was hot yesterday so we went swimming at my parent's house. My sister has recently moved back to Indy so her kids were over too, and a few friends from church stopped by as well. It was fun.

Three Months

I can't believe that it was been three months since the triplets have been gone. Today hasn't been easy for me because it is really the first time that I know exactly what I would be doing if they were still alive. The babies would have been born already, or at the latest, the would have been born in the next week. My life would have been endless NICU runs right now as the babies grew. But they are not at the NICU and that would unbearable if I didn't know where they really are. That doesn't mean I still struggle sometimes. We went out to McDonalds recently. While we were waiting for Gabriel to finish eating, I heard a newborn crying. When I looked over, I realized it was twins. I don't know why the twins struck me more than a single baby, but I had to get out of there. I sat and cried in the car while Jason helped Gabriel finish up.

One of the things that I have been most surprised about lately in the return of my hope. My hope to have more children someday stubbornly survived the years of infertility that I have already gone through. It blossomed and grew when I found out I was pregnant (and then found out it was triplets), but it was gone when I heard that Nathaniel was gone. I thought it was gone for good. Instead, it is slowly growing. I don't know whether to pluck it or nourish it so for the most part I ignore it.

Jason finally printed off the correct picture size for ashes container. It is pictured below. It was not what I thought that we were going to put them in at all, but I think it turned out okay. It is six-sided so it has each babies picture and footprints.

Innocence Lost

I am sometimes a little worried about the innocence that Gabriel has lost in the last few months. Since the babies have died, he has often brought death up as well. He will randomly ask me in the car about death and what will happen to him after he dies. He once asked a few weeks ago if he would just lay in the cemetery for the rest of his life after he dies. I had to explain to him that we would receive new heavenly bodies partly because he was worried that his brothers (who were cremated) wouldn't have bodies to go to heaven with. I know that curiosity about death is not unusual at this age, but it sometimes difficult to have my 5 year old ask every time we see a baby's picture if the baby is still alive or not. His new awareness of death has even surprised strangers. As we were boarding the plane a few weeks ago to travel to San Antonio, a woman behind us commented on how cute Gabriel was. She told me that had 4 boys. Gabriel asked her if they were in heaven. You can imagine I'm sure that she was a little surprised by his question. I had to explain to her about the triplets so she didn't think my son was strange. In the end, I am not worried about the lessons that he is learning. I just wish that they didn't have to come so early.

Picture Problems

I wanted to display some pictures of my triplets.

My sister helped me change the files to black and white so they were easier for other people to look at. Then, I took them to my husband so he could print them off. I was having him print off pictures for several locations at once: for a collage frame upstairs, for some new frames that I was going to buy for downstairs, and for the container that I had bought to hold the babies' ashes.

With that done, I headed to Kohl's with my $10 off a $10 purchase card in hand. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, but when I got to the store, I found something even better. Unfortunately, they only had two frames in that color, and I needed three. I did find another frame of the same style, but in a different color, that I could use. I bought these three but decided to go to another Kohl's to see if I could find another frame in the blue color that I wanted. I went to the other Kohl's and was in luck. One short wait in the return line, and the three blue frames were mine. I took my purchase home already envisioning them on the wall.

By the time I got home, Jason was home with the pictures, and I got to work putting them up. I didn't get far. As I opened the frame package, I discovered that the frames didn't have any hangers. They were only meant for desktop display. Of course, normally this would not be a big deal. You just get new frames. Instead, I was very upset. How dare these frames not work. They were perfect, and I already had them up on the wall in my mind's eye. Didn't the people who made the frames know that they were for my boys, and they needed to have hangers? Did I mention that I was upset? It only got worse when I moved on to the ashes container, only to discover that the pictures Jason printed were the wrong size. He thought the holes were for 3.5 x 5, but instead they were for wallets.

With nothing else to do at home (well besides fix my husband and son dinner), I grabbed the Kohl's bag and headed back for new frames. I found some that would work (they even had hangers), but this Kohl's only had two of them. So after another wait in the return line at Kohl's, I walked out of the door with two frames and headed to the other Kohl's. They didn't have another one in that color, but I did find another one in a different color so I bought it.

I returned home and put all the pictures up (except for the ones in the ashes container).

When I thought about my day though, I saw the blessings the Lord had given me. He gave me a sister who devoted her morning to helping me convert the files. He also gave me a husband who tried to think of a way to hang the first frames, who offered to go with me immediately to the store to find new ones, and who fixed dinner for himself and our son after I stormed out. A best friend who answered my phone call on the way to the second Kohl's for the second time and who offered immediate sympathy for my plight. And finally, for giving me two different Kohl's return ladies so I didn't have to explain why I had stood in the line twice in about an hour.

Here is what I ended up with.